GOSSIP

If you scored high in Gossip, you know you love to hear the dirt about everyone – even yourself! You frequent the break room and the water cooler more than others because those are prime areas for the chance to overhear those "juicy tidbits." Your great strength lies in your phenomenal memory of other people’s business and your ability to speak in hushed tones so that others know you are talking about people but unable to really hear what you are saying. Your talent also lies in your ability to exaggerate the negative and omit the positive so that you can really allow to others to stand out as the evil sons of b*****s they really are.

Gossip sounds like this:

Irma W., call center manager: “I love my job! Thousands of phone calls every day, each with a different potential target for backstabbing and betrayal.”

Jerine C., psychotherapist: “Due to the ethics of my profession, I am very careful to restrict whom I share my clients’ secrets with to a small circle of about a dozen friends. We get together over wine once a month and share stories – they love it!”

SMARM

Cloyingly sweet words void of any sincerity is your signature theme if you registered high on smarm. While you judge and scorn people interiorly, thinking they are mentally deficient, ineffective, incompetent, or lazy, you smile externally, shake their hand, and feign a jocular approach as if they were your best friends. You are especially competent at noticing what people would like to hear so that you can say that and ingratiate yourself to them. This strength is especially powerful when paired with Teflon, which give you the permission to say anything you like and take responsibility for nothing.

Smarm sounds like this:

Ned T., Dean of Business School: “How ARE you today? We are the best business school in the western hemisphere all because of our talented staff and You, my friend, perform an invaluable service for the school. Really! We couldn’t do it without you. Of course, our priorities don’t include paying you more, but we just LOVE your work.”

Donald P., CEO: “Hey guy, how are we doin’ today? You know, we are so lucky to have you on our team, in our family. Yup, we’re all equals here and we show that in the way we talk to one another. Are you feelin’ it? I’m feelin’ it!”

ALIENATOR

Distance is your signature talent. You excel in identifying people’s weaknesses and foibles and then pointing them out to them in public, so that they will stay at a safe distance from you. You find it especially rewarding when you say something that keeps people from interacting with you for long periods of time, even years.

Alientator sounds like this:

John C., quality control specialist: “I don’t really trust people, so I never like to really get to know anyone too deeply.”

Damien T., neurosurgeon: “Some people call me ‘prickly’, but, you know, I really prefer it when people know I speak my mind. If they don’t like it, they don’t have to hang around me – I could care less.”

ANAL

If you register as anal, your main theme is detail, detail, detail. You enjoy paying attention to insignificant facts and irrelevant details, such as how many seconds in a year and the names listing in the P section of the phone book. No detail is too unimportant to escape your gaze. Some people say you’re controlling, but you know those types simply have no standards. If it weren’t for you, the world would go to hell in a handbasket.

ANNOY

If annoy is your signature them, you delight in irritating others and watching them get upset. In fact, your day is not complete unless you have knowingly caused someone – preferably a co-worker or subordinate – mild to severe emotional trauma. Your best days are punctuated by the emotional outbursts you know you yourself have caused.

Annoy sounds like this:

Jamie D., first-grade teacher: “I love to pester people. When I was growing up it was my favorite thing to take my little brother’s stuff and run away with it until he cried and my dad spanked me. What a rush!”

BOREDOM

If boredom is your signature theme, the world is cast in tones of beige – everything (and we mean EVERYTHING) is so humdrum. Every new topic you come across and every assignment your boss gives you is so dreadfully dull and stultifying that you must struggle to stay awake as you do it. Rarely are you the life of the party, but you don’t care. Why? – because it’s so boring.

CO-DEPENDENT

Not only do you know everyone’s business, but you see it as your mission in life to fix problems others exhibit. You cannot be truly fulfilled unless you are supporting your co-workers in both learning about other people’s problems, and brainstorming solutions with them to those other people’s problems. Rarely do you need to communicate those solutions to those other people, though – just the activity in itself is most satisfying to you.