GOSSIP

If you scored high in Gossip, you know you love to hear the dirt about everyone – even yourself! You frequent the break room and the water cooler more than others because those are prime areas for the chance to overhear those "juicy tidbits." Your great strength lies in your phenomenal memory of other people’s business and your ability to speak in hushed tones so that others know you are talking about people but unable to really hear what you are saying. Your talent also lies in your ability to exaggerate the negative and omit the positive so that you can really allow to others to stand out as the evil sons of b*****s they really are.

Gossip sounds like this:

Irma W., call center manager: “I love my job! Thousands of phone calls every day, each with a different potential target for backstabbing and betrayal.”

Jerine C., psychotherapist: “Due to the ethics of my profession, I am very careful to restrict whom I share my clients’ secrets with to a small circle of about a dozen friends. We get together over wine once a month and share stories – they love it!”

SMARM

Cloyingly sweet words void of any sincerity is your signature theme if you registered high on smarm. While you judge and scorn people interiorly, thinking they are mentally deficient, ineffective, incompetent, or lazy, you smile externally, shake their hand, and feign a jocular approach as if they were your best friends. You are especially competent at noticing what people would like to hear so that you can say that and ingratiate yourself to them. This strength is especially powerful when paired with Teflon, which give you the permission to say anything you like and take responsibility for nothing.

Smarm sounds like this:

Ned T., Dean of Business School: “How ARE you today? We are the best business school in the western hemisphere all because of our talented staff and You, my friend, perform an invaluable service for the school. Really! We couldn’t do it without you. Of course, our priorities don’t include paying you more, but we just LOVE your work.”

Donald P., CEO: “Hey guy, how are we doin’ today? You know, we are so lucky to have you on our team, in our family. Yup, we’re all equals here and we show that in the way we talk to one another. Are you feelin’ it? I’m feelin’ it!”